“I’m going to explain to a man how you have twins and he’s going to understand me? He’s not going to understand me. He’s going to say, ‘Thank God I’m a man.’ And that’s the way it is and we have to get it. That’s the beauty of the difference between men and women.
Happiness comes from honoring the differences.”
Infertility can drum up a lot of fear if we allow it to. Grieving over the death of our puppy, Sugar Bear, helped me to realize that being a mom to anyone or anything is what I wanted. We began the lengthy and expensive process of In Vitro Fertilization at Reproductive Partners Fertility Center in La Jolla, Ca. Our significant donor or dad can never quite understand what it’s like to go through this emotional and arduous process. To get it all started, I had surgery to remove cysts from my uterus so that the embryo could implant properly. I then needed to pump myself with injections and God only knows what else (my memory is thankfully fading) to stimulate my ovaries. Then comes the egg retrieval, which I don’t even remember. I can recall that the Kaptain had a good old time, providing his fertile sperm. And just like that, Krew was made in a petri dish. I received the embryo transfer procedure, and we waited.
In the midst of all the IVF appointments, I continued to walk around like a zombie. I missed Sugar Bear so much and just wanted the pain to stop. Up to this point, I knew nothing about grief. I did read that it was important to grieve over the death of our animals before getting another one, but I didn't take the advice. While shopping with my bestie from Laguna, she encouraged me to go look at some puppies. Like most dog lovers, I fell in love with our soon-to-be Shih Poo. She was so cute, her tiny body was mostly white with racoon-like bandit coloring around her eyes. Unlike her rambunctious brother, she was mostly calm. She slowly sniffed my face, and I felt like she was picking me. Within moments, I called the Kaptain to see if I could bring her home. Fortunately, he had a few Margaritas in him and immediately said, “Yes.” We even called to purchase her brother a few days later, but he had already been sold. We named her Tavi after Taveuni (our honeymoon island in Fiji). From that moment on, I spent most of my hours training her, walking her, and being a mom. I have no doubt that creating utter joy and peace with my puppy was the perfect environment for my body to accept the embryo. When I received the call from the nurse, the Kaptain was working. Tavi Dog was the first to know that we were officially pregnant!
From the moment everyone found out, the planning and festivities began. My bestie in Laguna and Tanja put on two separate baby showers, and I had never felt more special. My father was even excited, and I thought that the whole family was creating a new beginning. Differences (political and otherwise) were seeming to be set aside, and I felt like I could breathe again. Although I threw up almost everyday, I felt beautiful, loved, and mostly grateful for our miracle in the making.
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