The Second Pathway:
“Addictions Are The ONLY Cause Of Suffering, No Exceptions.”
What does the word “addiction” mean to you? Once upon a time, I thought that addiction was something that people can’t stop, limiting it to mainly drugs, cigarettes, sex, gambling, or food. Since it was so much easier to identify and analyze other people’s challenges, I often created the illusion that I was addiction free. Well, none that were THAT big of a deal. I created more separation from others, secretively wondering when people were going to get their act together. At times, I withheld compassion on the ferris wheel of fear, an isolating circle of self-righteousness, intolerance, judgment, and blame. I lived this way until I’d had enough.
When I was invited to an Al Anon meeting, my mind doubted: But wait, I don’t have an alcoholic in my life. I decided to go, regardless. Little did I realize that my Irish roots were drowning in booze, laced with a history of gambling braggadocio. And thus, my journey back to my heart began. Sure, I had been in and out of therapist’s offices for over ten years and validated up the yin yang, but it was timely for me to put my big girl pants on and take responsibility. It was in the comforting rooms of Al Anon where I learned that fixing other people’s problems was none of my business and that I was getting in the way of their process and my own. What a relief. I had an overt sense of responsibility that was not working for anyone. Within two weeks, I got myself a sponsor and started working the program. But it wasn’t until I attended my first Living Love class that I began to learn about addictive demands....
“An addiction is a programming that triggers uncomfortable emotional responses and excites your consciousness if the world does not fit the programmed pattern in your mind. The identifying characteristic of an addiction is that if your desire is not fulfilled, you respond emotionally in a computer-like way and automatically play out a program of anger, worry, anxiety, jealousy, fear, etc. That which you emotionally avoid is just as much of an addiction as is something you desire.”
-Ken Keyes, Jr. (Handbook to Higher Consciousness)
To keep it pithy...
“Addictive demands are any emotion backed demand that something be different than it is.”
These are the demands and expectations we have on ourselves as well as others, which when not satisfied, lead to suffering. Consequently, I had a lot of expectations on myself as well as the people whom I called friends and family. I “thought” life was “happening” to me; when really, it was my created inside programs, belief systems, and triggers that were reacting to the life events. It was my addictive demands-NOT their behavior. You may be asking yourself, Wait a second, what’s wrong with demanding that someone not abuse their wife, child, or kill someone? How is that an addiction? The answer is simple and not always easy to apply. There is nothing wrong with that. We have a right to our anger, our hatred, and righteous indignation all in which creates misery. It becomes almost mathematical. If you eliminate right and wrong, all you have left is what works and what doesn’t work. Thus, it could be easily said that you have a right to your misery. The question is not why is that wrong; the question begs, “Do I want to create peace as I strive toward a kinder and gentler world?” Peace is never achieved through addiction.
When we see that our addictions and addictive demands are the SOLE cause of our unhappiness, we then have a choice to claim our power, roll up our sleeves, and take responsibility for making change. You wonder, “How do we achieve this?” We up-level our addictions to...preferences.
With a preference you can still prefer to have the outcome you would like, but you are not attached to it. If it does not occur, you can remain centered in the eye of the storm. You surrender and trust the “what is,” claiming that everything is here for your spiritual growth. Everything. If you are suffering, you are addicted. Pain is an unavoidable part of life, and suffering is a choice. I have experienced that it is easier to change than to fight the “what is.”
Once I learned about The Second Pathway, I could see that with every exception I made, I was keeping myself stuck in separation from my truest self. I decided that although surrendering to Love was not an easy ride, it was much easier than suffering. Shortly after meeting Cinnamon, I began to make dramatic changes, writing about my intimate journey with various addictions. With change came movement, and I hopped onto the ferris wheel of love. Sure, I still choose to switch rides from time to time (you know, just to check the temperature), and the view is far more spectacular from the heart of oneness.
Fear is a circle and so is Love. Which one do you want to dance in?
Change requires change.
