Do you think it is possible to NOT judge? Close your eyes, breathe in deep, and sit with the question and your response before reading this blog. Are you sure of your answer?
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“It Is Impossible To Love And Judge Simultaneously.”
Years ago while walking with an old friend along the shoreline of Pismo Beach, we began to discuss whether it was possible to not judge. By the time we walked back to our cars, we agreed to disagree. My friend even went on to say that she had tried it once for one whole whole day, and it was absolutely inconceivable.
At the time, I was trying the “no judgement” experiment as well; and because I had come to know ONE human being (Cinnamon) who never judges anyone, I knew that it was indeed possible. My mentor does this by loving the God in herself, FIRST. Sure, there are people that don’t meet her models, and they don’t need to. She chooses oneness, regardless. I could sound naive for saying such a preposterous statement to the majority of people who believe that we are “only human” and were born to judge. I get it. I would have felt the same way if I hadn’t met a teacher who has mastered the discipline of love and actually practices what she preaches. Although, preaching is the antithesis of what she’s about. Before meeting Cinn, I am sure that I would have agreed with my friend and most likely the majority who believe that it is impossible to live a life without judgement. And, once I knew that it was attainable, I was willing to stop trying to not judge.
"Trying is a word that will get you into trouble. You'll get kudos for trying and it won't actually be getting you anywhere."
Once I knew that it was possible to not judge, my mind immediately thought, How in the heck am I going to accomplish this feat? I first needed to learn the difference between a judgement and a observation.
"A judgement keeps you separate and heavy and fearful of the future. There will usually be an emotional charge with it, often involving superiority or righteousness.
An observation is a tool that you use to be here and now with your decision-making. It is an assessment of what seems to be so, often triggering your compassion and desire to assist, comfort, or applaud."
Now that I understood the difference, I also wondered how was I going to merely observe someone who was obviously doing a so-called "bad" thing. I found that the only way was for me to be willing to see my own innocence, first. Once I tapped into my heart, I would see theirs.
"Are you willing to perceive your own innocence? The greatest gift you can give anyone is to believe in their innocence. You can only give what you've got. The only way to see the innocence in ALL people is to decide to trust in the spiritual nature of life. There is no hardship, no calamity that is without spiritual purpose. Every so-called 'evil' provides an opportunity for the love inside of us to demonstrate its power and its invincibility. Every person that is in fear gives us the opportunity to love the 'unlovable.' Every challenge allows us to show ourselves how big we are. You will NEVER get from life more than you can handle. When you make this truth your OWN, you will stop fearing the future based on your past experiences. Life will become fully here and now, unadulterated, playful."
I never thought that I was she who showed up in the world as a judgmental person. Not until I began to observe my thoughts. Whether we say them out loud or not, judgements remain judgements. It was timely to face my ego. The first thing I learned was...
“We can only give what we’ve got.”
With this quote, I began to observe how much I judged myself and how looking at other people’s crap (especially my husband’s) kept me from looking at my own. The old “When you finger point, three fingers will point back,” reverberated in my head.
I remember asking Cinnamon how I was going to stop judging The Kaptain (after all, I had vowed to do our marriage differently with him on our 9th year wedding anniversary). Her answer was simple AND hard. She told me to observe where I was judging myself and to stop it. Judgement comes from fear, and fear is a liar. I got it. If I am judging others, I am judging myself. For years, I had been innocently putting a halo around judging others who “tried” to put me down, “thinking” that I had a right since they were the ones who were judging me first. What a crock.
As I began to utilize The First Pathway by welcoming each opportunity, I began to change my life. Every time I upset myself with The Kaptain, Krew, my parents, friends, and...and...and...I looked at where I was judging myself. This was something I could control. Whether it be how ugly I felt with a new hormonal pimple on my chin or feeling like an unfit mother when I terrified myself with our son’s rage. I began to shift and chose to be more gentle and loving towards the programs of Kathleen, knowing that I could choose to align with my divinity and not buy into my humanness. Knowing that I was perfect exactly as I am.
Once I observed the way I was abusing myself from my soul’s forgiving perspective (our truest self), I had more to give others. More tolerance, patience, and love. As I allowed the love inside of me to surface, I began to heal emotional bruises of past pain. Layer upon layer. With practice, it gets easier.
It has been many years since my friend and I briskly walked along the hard sands of Pismo Beach. Since then, I have ventured into the subtle, yet softer sands of self love and discovery. Its’ treasures hold the truth: It is indeed possible to NOT judge.
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