TRANSFORMATION (Third Section Of Blog/Book)

We often resist the word “surrender,” thinking that our intellect will give us the best solution to our problems. We underestimate the power of our heart. We do not think of our choice as fear based. Surrender becomes merely another word all because we have forgotten that we are truly not in control anyway. What are you choosing in your life? Love or Fear? Now is the time to choose Love. Now is the ONLY moment. It is never too soon to change your life, and it is never too late because it is always now.

FORTIES-And So It Begins...

“If you are waiting for something to happen,

forget about it.

Nothing will.

Life is a creation.

It doesn’t just happen.”

      “Desperate times call for desperate measures,” and I was feeling at the end of my rope. Turning forty wasn’t quite going the way I had expected. Being faced with a fourth possible eye cancer diagnosis, my son exploding over a broken cookie, and a marriage that wasn’t solid, I needed a break. For a belated birthday gift, my husband took me to Post Ranch Inn in Big Sur, overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Although it was a high end boutique hotel with a five star cuisine to die for, I chose it because they provided shamanic services. I had been seeing a clairvoyant from time to time, so I knew that it couldn’t hurt. My thought was...I have nothing to lose. 

      I’ll never forget the day that I met Shaman Jon. Not really looking like what I thought a medicine man should look like, he had dark blonde hair, blue eyes, and a big white smile. He reminded me of the actor, Robert Redford. Instantly comforted by his appearance, we sat facing each other and spoke about what to expect from my healing. He informed me that a Soul Retrieval “reclaims your power from past wounds/traumas, eliminates contracts that no longer serve you, and reclaims the source of your passion and joy.” Sounded good to me.  

     Other than feeling like I had slightly levitated off the table during the treatment, I didn’t feel any different after the session. We sat down in the chairs again and he told me what he saw. I had been a Viking in my past life and no longer needed to be a warrior for all the chaos in the world. From here on out, I will be a peacemaker. AND...I am always given a choice. There is nothing that he can do if I am not willing. Okkk...I thought. 

     I remember asking him, “Is my life going to change?” 

      He replied, “You have no idea.” 

     He gave me some rituals to do at home to honor my Viking ancestors, and that was it. Now, what I am going to say next may sound unbelievable and then there is the “what is...” 

     I returned home and immediately did what the Shaman had instructed me to do. I put pictures up of my heritage and made an alter in the master bedroom. Every night, I was to honor my ancestors by feeding them various things, like tobacco, fruit, etc. and say, “Thank you for your service, but I no longer need you.” The Kaptain shook his head while watching me set up the alter, and I just giggled. Again, I was desperate. At this point, I was willing to do anything. 

     One day, I decided to offer the warriors some some peace incense that we had purchased in Santa Cruz. I burned it, and again, said, “thank you.” That night something really weird occurred...Tavi Dog became restless. When we turned on the light, she was hiding behind the toilet, jumped into the bathtub, scratched at the door to get out of the house. She was looking up in the air, appearing as if she had just seen a ghost. The Kaptain (who wanted to keep sleeping and was beyond skeptical of all this hocus pocus) was no longer amused, screaming at me, “You brought these spirits into the house, you get them out!” 

     The following day, I called Shaman Jon and told him what had occurred. He sweetly laughed and said, “You don’t feed PEACE incense to Vikings. They need tobacco, knives, and all other warrior type objects. Warriors don’t want peace.” He said that Tavi had always seen these ancestral spirits around me, and now that they were separating from me, they were throwing a fit. He instructed me to pet her, reassuring my dog that everything was going to be ok. It took Tavi awhile to calm down, but eventually she was peaceful. I remember her sitting under our backyard oak tree and staring at it for hours as if she was watching something in it. For the first time in my life, I began to realize that there was something more than meets the eye. We carry these ancestral wounds from lifetime to lifetime given the opportunity to choose to change our wounded template. I no longer wanted to raise my fist and fight for freedom. Instead, I longed to become a peaceful warrior. No easy feat. I had not a clue as to what was going to be come next, but I did know to fasten my belt.