SURRENDER- Addicted To Your Child's Happiness? Join the club,

“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.”

-Kahlil Gibran

2014

     Recently, my husband and I took our son to see The Lego Movie. We laughed at each “adult” nuance given for the viewing pleasure of us parents who would often rather be anywhere than viewing one more random lego piece blown away to oblivion. Krew sat in between us while the Kaptain and I gave each other the occasional bonding glance of, “I know what you are thinking.” The movie’s premise was about deprogramming our computerized minds, following our hearts, and remembering that each person is uniquely “special” (even the “bad” guys). I was creating happiness that movies are coming out like this for our children-besides occupying the same space with my family after a LONG week of the Kaptain working on the road.

    After the movie, my husband and I eagerly asked our son, “How did you like it?” I could sense that Krew’s physical unease was back, which he calls his “inner buggy.” I am grateful that the days of his public explosions seem to be over, and we still have a long way to go. With a frown on his face, he said: “I hated it” and “It was the worst movie, ever!” (Much like our trips to Hawaii and Disneyland). He repeated his displeasure over and over again until he aggressively stomped into the house. This is when Tavi Dog’s greetings couldn’t be more inviting because at least our dog appreciates us.

    I have been trained very well to let go of my expectations and stop pulling on the rope with Krew and his mental quirks, saying to him with so much compassion: “Ok, you don’t have to like it, buddy. I am right here with you. You have every right to your experience.” This is when I continue to breathe and quietly walk with him, desperately hoping that he will manage his “inner buggy” instead of allowing it to manage him. This is when I “try” to not be addicted to his happiness. 

    At this point, Cinnamon’s words had become a tape recorder in my head...“Trying is a word that will get you into trouble, Kathleen. You’ll get kudos from the world for ‘trying’ and you won’t accomplish a whole lot.” 

“But,” what parent does not addictively want their child to be happy? As I get my butt out of the way, I breathe into the truth... It is impossible to make anyone happy, including my son. 

     Dear God, do I really need to drive or fly to faraway lands, looking at gems and mining for Fire Agate in order for MY SON to be happy?  

     Are You HERE Kathleen? It’s Me, God. 

    Sweet beloved, you could release your addiction and please remember to get the “my” part of of it, he is not yours.

     Oh yeah! Although I will give my ego an “A” for effort, it never wins. When I take the “my” out of it, I trust that God has us all where we need to be. I am not Krew’s owner, Love is his true parent, and I am entrusted with his care. This is when I am willing to surrender to our spiritual path and create compassion for myself and him from my soul’s perspective...

“I feel with loving compassion the problems of (Krew and Kathleen) without getting caught up emotionally in their predicaments that are offering them messages they need for their growth.” 

-Ken Keyes Jr. (The Eighth Pathway To Higher Consciousness)

     By letting go of my addictive need for our son to be happy and honoring the Second Pathway (“Addictions are the only cause of suffering-NO exceptions”), I allow the space for him to experience the power of creating his OWN happiness. When I give him to Love, he becomes another awakening being. This depersonalizes everything for me. 

“I am perceiving everyone, including myself, as an awakening being who is here to claim his or her birthright to the higher consciousness planes of unconditional love and oneness.”

-Ken Keyes Jr. (The Twelfth Pathway To Higher Consciousness)

     Ahh...my friends, breathe it all in. We are not responsible for our child’s happiness or for anyone’s emotions. It’s up to us on how we choose to react to life’s circumstances. Total responsible equals  freedom.  Let go of our addictive needs and we are are in the seat of power. What a bonus!