SURRENDER- Proof That "Could" Is a Gentler Word Than "Should"

“Want to become more loving? 

Speak to yourself in a way that is more loving.” 

     As I mentioned in the last blog, words can often keep us in addiction that hinder us from choosing to create the peace we all deserve. Our language is socially accepted in the world, so most of us do not give the overused and destructive word, SHOULD, a second blink, even when the energy behind it is addictive and connotes that one is at fault if they don’t do as told. Rather, be gentle with yourself and replace your “should” with the word, “could,” instead. Many of you have heard of replacing the “should” word without taking action. You “could” take the time today and see how frequently you impose should in your life experience. Before you know it, you are self-rejecting and faulting some outside circumstance or person for your discomfort, keeping you in a pattern of self-inflicted pain.

       An example: “You SHOULD go to the gym” or “You COULD go to the gym.” 

    Clearly, one implies that if you don’t go, you are at fault. Guilt, judgment and blame demoralize you and keep you from positive action. When we make a decision about what we should do, we have often either beat ourselves into submission or exhaust ourselves and do nothing. We then say...”tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.”

     There is always a payoff when we live in the circle of fear. And as you dare to look closely at your ego, you will see. You may not want to deal with your child and another tantrum, or you may not want to deal with your partner needing more attention than you SHOULD give, or you may not want to deal with THAT person so you avoid them and your trigger. So, you don’t “deal” with them in that moment and you get what you think you want. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Well...unfortunately or fortunately (however you want to view it), you will be provided with numerous opportunities until your lesson is learned. This is when you see that the PAYOFF is the RIPOFF, and it could serve you to manage your challenge, now.

     You will find that guilt, fault, or shame will keep you should-ing all over yourself. The way we speak to ourselves and others is critical. How we speak tends to be the leader in our life more than we realize and leads to our victimization. 

     When we replace should with could, we leave room for love. The wisdom of the heart can always be trusted.